I Remember: Their First Song

Our twins were in the NICU for three long weeks and 6 days. During that time they heard not a single sound other than that of the machines and the general chatter of hospital life. Our voices, my husband’s and mine, were frequently punctuated into their lives but never did they hear music.

Don’t let that smile fool you, I was terrified.

On the day they were released from the hospital we carried them down to the front lobby and I waited there with my tiny little new men waiting for my husband to bring the car around. Both boys began to cry while I waited and a mild panic started to set in. I was already so frightened about bringing these beautiful and fragile new humans home after such a long time of uncertainty. I was filled with so many contrasting emotions and their crying was about to break me. All the while strangers walked by staring awkwardly at me and my boys as I struggled to hold back my own tears.

Then around the corner came the most unusual sight. It was a rather large group of young men and women dressed in black pants and white shirts and in each ones arms they held an instrument. As one they all took their places mere feet from us and began to play Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major. Instantly the twins stopped crying their eyes wide with the oddest expressions on their faces. I have never before seen such a look of awe from eyes so young. I clung to that moment over the next few weeks. That singular moment in time ,when thanks to the kindness of strangers, I felt for the first time that everything was going to be alright.  I have no idea why they were there or who they were but I will always be grateful to them for making that music, that glorious, magical, amazing music my sons’ very first song.

How about you, what was your little ones first song? Is there a song you wish could have been their first? Or one that you plan on being your next child’s?

I Remember: Our Twins In the NICU

I remember you, so small, so blue, no noise at all.  Watching your little chest slowly rise and shake as it fell, how much longer could this go on?  How could someone so tiny hold so much of my heart so completely?  You had given so much to your brother, all that giving and yet, here you were.

I remember you, so small and yet so much bigger than your brother.  You were the one I got to hold, it had to be enough for the both of you, for all of us.  How could I love you both so much when even just the one was enough to make my heart feel as if it could burst?  Did you miss him?  Did you wonder where your other half was?

Almost together my boys, almost.

Finally together again.  Our boys, our little miracles.  Your next day would be so exciting, coming home, finally.  One month… 4 weeks… 28 day…  672 hours … 40,320 minutes… 2,419,200 seconds  all just a measurement of time, none of them explain just how much you were longed for while we waited for you both to come home.  How our arms craved you, our eyes sought you out in your empty bed, and your brothers and sisters asked for you.

Finally together again, all of us.

Connor and Seamus TTTS survivors and the icing on this family’s cake.

Our boys born October 2010, there is hope.

*Connor and Seamus also have a rare endocrin condition called Pseudohypoaldosteronism.  If you have a child with PHA, or suspect that your child may, I belong to a wonderful online support group that can be found here.  Also if you have any questions for me about our experience with TTTS or PHA please feel free to e-mail me at gratefulmomsofmany@gmail.com subject line -Sasha’s Twins- or of course feel free to leave your question in the comment section below and I will get back to you as quickly as possible.  May peace be with you and yours this day.